Judd Matsunaga
More than 90 million Americans currently care for aging loved ones facing everything from disabilities to chronic disease to the everyday challenges of advanced age. According to the Caregiver Action Network, more of us are now caring for our aging parents or an aging spouse, a responsibility that comes with both rewards and risks.
The reward is that when caring for a parent, it’s often our best chance to create new memories and find a connection we may never have discovered before, i.e., adult to adult. Many people find that caregiving provides a sense of fulfillment and that they like feeling useful and needed. It is also a meaningful act of service that connects us to a natural cycle of human life. Just as parents care for their children, so do children care for their parents as they age.
But the risks caregivers face is also significant. As people live longer, and dementia and chronic disease become more common, the challenges of caregiving also increase. Add to that our increasingly busy lives and ever-shrinking social networks, and many caregivers are left feeling alone and overwhelmed. While these feelings are unpleasant, they are normal.
The ongoing demands of taking care of someone else can strain even the most resilient person. The result is that the challenges and difficulties can ultimately take a toll on your physical health and emotional well-being.
Because there is so much on their plate, many caregivers don’t spend time taking care of themselves. For example, they are less likely than others to get preventive health services, like annual checkups, and practice regular self-care. As a result, they tend to have a higher risk of physical and mental health issues, sleep problems and chronic conditions such as high blood pressure. They are even at an increased risk of premature death.
At least 40 percent of caregivers display symptoms of depression. “Caregiver responsibilities can lead to far more than physical exhaustion. The demands can create a tug on emotional, mental and physical health and compound the burdens they put on their bodies” (source: www.theepochtimes.com,’ Are You a Caregiver Who Neglects Yourself?’ May 31, 2024).
That’s why it’s so important for you to take care of yourself by following the advice of flight attendants: Put your own mask on first. You cannot care well for others if you can’t care for yourself. Caregivers therefore need to be attuned to their own well-being and attentive to changes such as confusion, mood swings and forgetfulness.
To help caregivers, the following 5 Tips to Enhance Your Wellness as a Caregiver comes from www.caregiversupportservices.com:
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Sometimes, you need to ask for help either with the physical and emotional aspects of caregiving. It is not healthy to try to do everything all the time. In fact, overloading your schedule without support may put your health at risk in the future. Asking a family member or friend for help is an excellent way to start. Your family and friends might want to help you, but not know where their assistance would be most useful.
Be sure to let individuals know exactly what you need. In addition to seeking assistance from family members, you can seek help from support groups, organizations like Caregiver Support Services and health professionals such as a family doctor, a social worker or a financial planner.
Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself
It is important to avoid looking at what other people are doing, as measuring your accomplishments based on another is unhealthy. You have the opportunity to enhance your health and well-being by appreciating what you are doing in your life. Be flexible in the face of adversity, pat yourself on the back and include enjoyable activities in your daily routine. You can also maintain your well-being by balancing expectations and taking a moment each day to acknowledge your achievements.
Plan Time for Yourself
As a caregiver, you spend most of your time caring for your elderly loved one or child with special needs. Although it is appreciable to advocate for the needs of your loved one or client, you must also plan time for yourself. Be sure to carve out time for yourself. You might consider activities that you find relaxing. For instance, you can stop to take a few deep breaths, do yoga or meditation to soothe your mind or take time for a cup of coffee to boost your neurons and reduce fatigue.
Build Social Relationships
Building strong relationships with friends, co-workers or other caregivers can be a healthy outlet when you face challenges and obstacles as a caregiver. Connecting with others to share a laugh or smile relieves stress and anxiety. You also can build relationships with other caregivers to learn about resources and care options.
Share Your Feelings
You may feel overwhelmed, and from time to time, you may want to share how you are feeling with others. Although this might seem intrusive to you, when you find someone who is reliable and helpful, you will find comfort in sharing your feelings. Mental health counseling is a safe way to talk about your emotions and seek advice from a health professional. Counseling can help you improve your interpersonal and communication skills, develop greater self-esteem and the ability to change self-defeating habits.
In conclusion, it’s important to make self-care a part of your day-to-day routine to ensure your own health and wellness. Once again, don’t be afraid to ask others for help. Understand that many people want to help, and it makes them feel good to contribute. Accepting help from others isn’t always easy. You may worry about being a burden, or you may feel uncomfortable admitting that you can’t do it all yourself.
Finally, if asking for help is hard for you, start by asking for small things at first. Many large jobs can be broken down into simpler tasks. If you aren’t comfortable asking face-to-face, send a text or email with your request. Consider a person’s skills and interests when thinking about how they could help. Be prepared with a list of things that need to be done, and let the other person choose what they’d like to do.
Judd Matsunaga is the founding attorney of Elder Law Services of California, a law firm that specializes in Medi-Cal Planning, Estate Planning and Probate. He can be contacted at (310) 348-2995 or judd@elderlawcalifornia.com. The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the view of the Pacific Citizen or constitute legal or tax advice and should not be treated as such.
