Marsha Aizumi
On June 29, the Terasaki Budokan was a place of celebration, connecting with others and seeing faces of joy. It was a place where you could be your authentic self at the intersection of being Nikkei and LGBTQ+. It was a place where 400 people came together to celebrate being queer, trans or loving their queer or trans children, family member and friends.
One attendee, Tyler Inouye, said, “This was like a homecoming. I saw many friends that I came to know during my college years in Southern California. None of us were really out as LGBTQ+ in those early days, but here we all were in the same space reconnecting as our true selves, feeling safe and no longer having to hide who we were.” When I listened to Tyler, I could feel how happy he was.
Tyler also talked about how the Okaeri conference helped him eventually come out to his family. He shared, “I heard stories of rejection in the Japanese American community. I heard of JA parents not acknowledging or accepting their gay child’s partner. But at Okaeri, I saw Japanese American moms who loved their queer or trans child and embraced all of who they are.” And so, Tyler made the decision to come out.
Tyler Inouye’s loving family (Tyler is pictured at left). (Photo: Courtesy of Tyler Inouye)
Tyler’s parents have accepted him wholly after working through the fear of their son being rejected or treated differently after he came out. His family and extended family, including his father, who Tyler thought might have a hard time, have encircled him warmly and said, “We love you, Tyler.” And his father said, “As long as you are happy, that’s all that matters.”
Tyler shared, “I am fortunate in ways others are not.” Today, Tyler works at his dream job for Nintendo of America. He is living his life as an openly gay person, loved by his family and feeling part of the JA community he truly values.
One of the moments at Matsuri which really moved me and will inspire me for years to come is seeing a gay man arrive and being greeted with a kiss from his husband. I realized in that simple kiss what we dreamed for: Okaeri was coming true. LGBTQ+ individuals could show their love for each other without wondering if they would be judged or unsafe. I hope more people in the future can share their feelings openly like this couple did because Okaeri has created a space that allows this love to flow naturally.
James and Nick (Photo: Marsha Aizumi)
I also met a mixed-race couple, James and Nick. Nick is Caucasian and James is mixed-race Japanese and Latinx. Nick is accepted by his family, but James is not. They attended Okaeri Queer Obon last year and returned again this year, to Matsuri, because they both felt so accepted. James says he often does not feel he fits in anywhere since he is mixed race and gay. And Nick said he did not dance in the circle last year, but this year he felt like he wanted to try. It is amazing how acceptance gives you the courage step into new spaces and experience new things.
I hoped that Okaeri could be a place for my son to see people who looked like him and accepted him at the intersection of being Japanese American and LGBTQ+. And yet, I hope that Okaeri has given our community so much more.
Not just a place for Aiden, but a place for parents, allies and other LGBTQ+ individuals. A place when faced with any negative feelings, we can see the infinite power of our love to rise above those feelings . . . to cherish our family and friends if we are allies, love ourselves if we are LGBTQ+ and love our children if we are parents.
I would like to close this article with the lyrics of a new song for Okaeri Obon that was created in partnership with Great Leap. It is at the intersection of our Japanese culture and our LGBTQ+ hope. Enjoy . . . .
take off your shoes
you are not alone
tadaima! okaeri!
you are welcomed home
whoever you are
gay, trans, and queer
tadaima! okaeri!
you are welcome here
Marsha Aizumi is an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and author of the book “Two Spirits, One Heart: A Mother, Her Transgender Son and Their Journey to Love and Acceptance.”
